you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
