You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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