Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
