I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
