last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
