All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
