when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
