I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
