1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
