dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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