Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do herpes really smell.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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