Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
