Ambien. No doubt about it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
