Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
