there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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