the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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