my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
