If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
