Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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