so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
