I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
