There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
