between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
