toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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