Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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