Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
