Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
