those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
