just tell him i said nine months
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
