i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
