found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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