Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
