I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
