I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
