hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
