I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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