Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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