I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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