If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
