so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
