sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
