Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
