During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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