the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
