Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
