She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
