btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
