Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
