you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Randomize
