I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
