Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
