dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
