Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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