i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
